Derivative work 2

would I grasp it better if it rhymed?

Happy 16th Sunday in Ordinary Time, in other years the feast of St. Elijah (July 20). This is a rhyming re-translation of “Abandonment is the delicious fruit of love” (St. Therese’s poem 52). See https://archives.carmeldelisieux.fr/en/archive/pn-52/ for the accurate English translation (we are reading this poem to discuss next month). See https://archives.carmeldelisieux.fr/archive/pn-52/ for the original French poem.

I thought maybe this one will be easier to rhyme than Living On Love, because I don’t have to find a rhyme for love every 8 lines, and the first stanza looked straightforward. However, no. The final stanza (18) defeated me entirely. I am slain on the field of battle, bleeding ink on my copybook (actually I was working in pencil with a hi-polymer Pentel eraser on the back of some sheets of waste-paper which came from attempting to print out the assignments for three months a while ago while my printer was adjusted to the wrong size and cut off a quarter of the text all along one side. The eraser on the pencil itself makes terrible smears. Its real job is to keep the thin graphite sticks inside of the pencil cylinder from falling out and it does fine at that; erasing, not so much). Having disassembled and reassembled the text, at least I have compelled myself to grasp the content of the poem to the extent that I can (dissatisfied though I am with the output of the process).

1. There is a marv’lous tree,
The strangest one around.
Its roots, O mystery!,
In heaven find their ground.

2. Remaining in its shade,
Where not a thing can harm,
In storms we're unafraid
And rest without alarm.

3. This tree ineffable 
Is Love, I represent;
Its fruit delectable 
We call Abandonment.

4.  It gives my soul delight,
Such happiness is mine,
Not only at its sight,
But by its scent divine.

5. And when this fruit I touch,
A treasure [it] seems to me.
Brought to my mouth, it's much
More sweet than on the tree.

6. And in this world it gives
An ocean-depth of peace
And in this peace I live
In rest which does not cease.

7. Abandonment will place
Me in your arms, Jesu.
You make me, in your grace,
Live like th’elect must do.

8. Myself abandoning,
My Spouse Divine I greet.
I don't seek anything 
Except your gaze so sweet.

9. I want to smile at you 
As on your heart I rest,
Repeating, while I do,
"O Lord, I love you best".

10. Like daisy-flower white
with chalice full of red
I open to the light
of sun and lift my head.

11. What is this sun of mine,
My life, O loving king?
It is your Host divine
— like me, a little thing.

12. From his celestial fires
A brilliant ray is sent
That in my soul inspires
Complete abandonment.

13. All things that you have made
May leave me; they are vain,
I will not be dismayed;
Near you I will remain.

14. And if you also leave,
My treasure?  With good will,
Deprived, I will not grieve.
I want to smile still.

15. I want to wait in peace,
Sweet Jesus, til you're here,
And never will I cease
My songs of love and cheer.

16. My worries are no more;
Untroubled in the dark,
My soul knows how to fly
Up higher than the lark.

17. Above the clouds we soar:
The sky is always blue
And here we touch the shore
Where reigns "le Bon Dieux"

18. In peace I await the glory from
That heavenly home above
Finding in the ciborium
The fruit, so sweet, of love.

---

Postscript:

On the translation of poetry and in fact the writing of poetry in general:

Shoehorning thoughts into a metered verse 
With knife in hand like some stepmother's child
Debating what to cut - which loss is worse,
Should heel or toe of rightness be defiled?

It seems to me (since I read Luke 9:57—10:7 earlier this evening) that abandonment (by which people generally mean abandonment to divine providence) is eating and drinking what is set in front of me (Luke 10:7), in the literal and figurative sense, without complaint, and, moreover, as though it is what I wanted (“eat your vegetables”); if I do this then I will be at peace, whether I am among sons of peace or not (Luke 10:6); if, on the other hand, I am looking at what is behind me instead of wholeheartedly giving myself to the task in front of me (Luke 9:62) then I am going to have a bad time. But what is the task in front of me? (cf. Luke 10:29 “but who is my neighbor?”) I ought to listen to the Lord (Luke 10:41) so that he can point out where I have entirely lost sight of either what I ought to do or how I ought to have done it, and that the whole thing was much simpler than I thought it was (Luke 10:21). Lord, give me this grace of abandonment which St. Therese writes about. I am sure You will give it to anyone who asks for it, since it is not a natural thing to want (therefore the desire for it would be Your gift also), and You would not give someone a desire for something that You do not intend to fulfill (in Your own way, and Your own time).